Anticipation was in the air. Today was the day. Destination: Root of Canal. Contain your excitement and jealousy. I know it is hard, but try.
I have a love/hate relationship with my teeth. I mean who doesn’t love to eat? And who doesn’t hate to have major work done on them. I’m telling you, if one of you raised your hand reading the last sentence then I just don’t know who you are anymore.
News of my trip came a week before Christmas. I could hardly contain myself. Just hearing the words “root canal” sent shivers up and down my spine. Plus when the dentist said, “As we age….” Yes, such wonderful words to hear when sitting in a dental chair days after your fiftieth birthday. Soothing balm for my soul. He knows what every girl wants to hear.
And, weeks to have this lovely trip
hanging over my head milling about in my mind was just the best ever. Three weeks to think about what a wonderful time would be had.
When arriving at the meeting place for the glorious trip, I was a bit nervous. The building, as my son voiced, looked good for something built fifty years ago and never updated. And zooming (I use that term very loosely) up to the 2nd floor in an elevator, which had us wondering if we’d meet some firemen, proved to be an exhilarating experience. (we used the stair when exiting said building in case you are wondering)
We found the suite easily and were greeted with friendliness. After signing my life and future away, I looked around the waiting room and noticed three awards. Best Dentist Awards. I began feeling more comfortable and confident until I saw the years. The most current was 2014. Um, what happened the last two years?
Before I could plan my escape the door was swept open and my name was called. I began to wonder if anyone would notice if I fell to the ground and army crawled my way out of the office. But, I did the adulty thing and fell into the
tour guide’s nurse’s arms and begged for mercy. Okay, I didn’t but I bet the nurse would have forever remembered me.
Once in the room I was fitted for a stylish, clear, knee-length apron with a cute, blue necklace resembling a bib. You’ll soon see me on the runways of New York City sporting that classic modern chic look.
After some fascinating conversation about prescription allergies and if said tooth hurt, I was shocked to hear her ask which Pandora station I’d like to listen to during my time of relaxation. Well, I was so shocked at the question I could even think. I told her anything but country music. She picked classical since it seemed relaxing. Which it would have been if it weren’t for the noise of DRILLS that came later.
After meeting the very nice and dare I say cute dentist, we were ready for take off. He even gave me sunglasses to wear. I asked him if it was going to cost more for a tan, too, but he just laughed. I began to think there would be a hidden charge at the end of this voyage.
I became even more suspicious of hidden charges when he began telling corny jokes as the needles – yes, plural – filled with liquid, making you wonder if your face fell off for the rest of the day, began their voyage. At one point I may have asked if I were paying for those jokes. Again, he just laughed. He did ask if I wanted to hear the speech he had written for a lecture he is giving soon. I told him it depended upon if he wanted me to fall asleep.
He was so impressed with me that he rewarded me with a contraption that I’m sure made me look beautiful. The one end with a ring (I told him I was already married) went around the traitor tooth with a lovely blue latex “sail” around my mouth (somehow). I felt so beautiful lying there in my sunglasses and something indescribable in and around my mouth. Don’t be jealous, girls. But, do keep an eye out for those picture on the cover of a beauty magazine in the near future.
All-in-all everything went well. I found out the arms of the chair are made very sturdily. I decided to do some quality control for him while I was there.
And at one point, with what they said was 15 minutes more to go, I had one more
picture x-ray taken. As the nurse was putting the “sail” back in the place the ring FLEW across the room. True story. It almost took out the computer and the relaxing music. Almost. Again, quality control work. Yup.
Well, that was fun. But let’s not do this again anytime. Anytime at all.
Disclaimer!!!! In all seriousness, it was fine. The dentist was wonderful. He and the nurse (or was she an assistant??) knew how to put me at ease. There was laughter before and a little after…as much as one can laugh with half a face frozen and wondering if you are drooling or if it just feels like it. No, I don’t want to do that again but it wasn’t a terrible experience. And, no, I wasn’t worried about hidden charges…this is just my this-is-how-I-cope humor. Okay, I think that covers all the disclaimers in case any reader thinks I’m serious. I think. The dentist and his office, again, were wonderful!