Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe it’s a pipe dream. I look around and see others better than me. I can’t compete.
Those words, loosely translated from La La Land, may have wrecked me.
Is it just me or have we all spoken or thought those words? As soon as I pour over a piece of writing a billion times until I cannot write it better, I read work of a published author who expresses herself so beautifully. So articulate that I begin to compare. “She’s so much better at this. I can’t compete.”
I bawled. In the movie theater tears flowed as soon as the actress dramatically said “Maybe I’m not good enough.” I wanted to reach through the giant movie screen and hold her whispering, “You are enough. And, I soooo understand.”
In my mind, the producers tried to make the movie reminiscent of musicals of a long ago era. La La Land may not be the best musical of all time. Some may even say it is “cheesy”. But it seems to speak to creative people who dream. A dream or two that may seem out of reach. A dream in which it seems CPR is the best course of action. A dream achieved yet is a bit different than we ever imagined.
Late at night, when the house was void of noise, I processed what my mind and heart witnessed. I prayed. I prayed for contentment. I prayed for direction. I gave God my dreams and ask Him to throw out the dreams that aren’t His for me. And, asked for clearness in those dreams He wants me to take and fly.
And, the hardest part? Not taking back those dreams I just gave to Him.
Perhaps all of MY dreams will be thrown out. Perhaps it will look different than I ever imagined. But, I do know HIS ways, not mine, are the absolute best.
I give the movie 3 (maybe 4) cries. I even cried on the way home as an offspring processed the movie out loud. That was a first. Something about this movie, even though some moments were “eh”, gave me all the feels.
“Here’s to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem. Here’s to the hearts that ache; here’s to the mess we make.”