I know I’ve been ignoring you lately. But, life. Life keeps moving quickly leaving me to only want to rest and think. And, sometimes sharing thoughts with you is confusing and painful so I take steps away from you. And, there are people who need my attention and care (and chauffeur skillz) right now.
It’s not you. It’s me.
And, to add insult to injury, I will be even quieter. It’s not like I don’t want to talk with you. I hate to tell you this as you’ll question our love . . . there is someone else. I’m sorry! (hands blog a tissue)
There s a story in my mind that won’t let go. People in my life pushing (I need it) me to write. People who try to convince me God has given me a passion for a reason. (jury is still out on that one) And so as blind faith goes, I will write.
But, dear Blog, those old thoughts from forever and a-day-ago rush in my mind. Those thoughts are rude and pushy. Comparison, “I’m not good enough”, and “just one more thing I can fail at” thoughts. And, let’s not talk about distractions. Always so much to do. Always the internet. Always a show to watch, a book to read. (I know, I’ve lectured myself on those last two “reasons”)
So, you see, dear Blog, it really is me. Me trying to convince my 50 year-old-self that it isn’t too late in life. But, I KNOW God is good and perfect and whatever this obedience He is calling me to will be worth it.
I am a Child of the God Most High. He is singing over me with love. He has my picture on His refrigerator telling His Angels, “Look at her. This one loves me. This one longs to bring me glory. Yet, she is scared. Watch her as she learns it is okay to fail, or what she believes is failing, and get up. But, her so-called failures? Oh, they will be turned in to something glorious. Just as I have planned all along.”
For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
Esther 4:14 (ESV)
Take a few naps, Blog, and I’ll be back before you know it.